Oh! You Got a Helicopter!

Two nights ago, about 30 minutes after I fell asleep, I woke up to see bf moving around the room. I couldn’t tell what, but there was something else hovering in the air just past the bed.

Oh! You got a helicopter!

I said. (Cause yeah. Everybody breaks out their new remote helicopter to show off at twenty past midnight.)

He gave a bemused laugh and told me no, he had not gotten a helicopter.

Just then, I could see clearly. He was there sitting next to me as usual. A lamp was lit. I’m wasn’t dark. Nothing was flying around the room.

I said,

Oh, it was a hallucination.

He said oh, and took it in stride. This is not the first time I have talked about things that weren’t there.

Tick, Tick, Tick

Cooperstown, NY


Life confounds.

I’ve been given a reprieve. I started estrogen (back in spring of 2017). And many physical symptoms of *whateverthehellthisis* ebbed.

My head cleared a bit. I regained what feels like my full field of view. I don’t see many movement hallucinations in my peripheral vision. I can usually remember what conversation I’m in while I’m in it.

The stuff is all still there, but it doesn’t rule every minute of every day.

But I feel like a ticking time bomb. How long do I have before BOOM!?

Am I the only person in the world to experience this? Is there no doctor who would explore the connection between estrogen and my neurological problems?
Not that my experience represents a majority of women with neurological problems after menopause…but I can’t possibly be the only one.

Can I?